The Funny Worlds of Shahrukh Khan and Amar Singh

Few years ago, the most popular actor in the world, Shahrukh Khan realized the importance of filmfare awards in his life and decided to give something back to the award ceremony. (As per being the most popular actor in the world, I think it is wrongly assumed that the whole India knows him. I can say for sure that my mother doesn’t know him neither cares about him and I’m sure there are millions like her.) So he decided to host the ceremony. To make it fun, he roped in Saif Ali Khan, his co-star of the previous year’s blockbuster Kal Ho Na Ho. He put a good show. We all laughed and loved it. Next year, he was back again with Saif in tow. Shahrukh writes the dialogues and Saif follows it without much ado. It was again repeated until it set a trend and a wrong one at that. Initially those crude humors were taken lightly by the victims, but suddenly things started to change. In the 2008 ceremony, they made fun of Vidhu Vinod Chopra for making Eklavya and Chopra vowed not to work with Saif and his family ever again. Poor Saif because it was the other Khan’s fault and he had to pay the price as Chopra couldn’t afford to say the same thing to Shahrukh. But Shahrukh had things coming for him. In an award ceremony (not filmfare) he took dig at Amar Singh for lustily looking at a nubile nymphet. Amar Singh broke down in front of the media as he asked God to punish the King. The next day Singh’s supporters assembled outside Shahrukh’s house and threw stones at it. King was not home but the children were. This enraged Khan and he threatened Amar Singh with dire consequences if he ever repeated it. These are the events of last year. 

This year the award season has started, so has the controversies. Shahrukh’s closest pal Farah Khan along with his witty brother Sajid Khan was asked to host this year’s Star Screen award. Farah in her unpleasant tone made a sarcastic comment at Aushotosh Gawariker and he retorted back in the stage itself. Whoever has seen the event will know how funny it was to see the director reacting. What started as a tribute to filmfare by Shahrukh has turned out to be a slanging match where celebrities make fun of their rivals saying they are doing it in good humor and it should be taken sportily. The King has set a wrong precedence.

Coming to Amar Singh, the Chhota Bhai of Amitabh Bachchan has finally grown up because Sanjay Dutt has seen a big brother in him. The errant son of great actor and social worker Sunil Dutt has finally entered the political fray. After failing to secure a ticket from the Indian National Congress, as the party favored the younger and capable sister, he has decided to join Samajwadi Party at Bada Bhai Amar Singh’s hukm. The upholder of democracy follows dictates! Funny again! Dutt’s entry into politics is an immature act. Neither  he has the ability nor the will to be in politics. You see his interviews and you will know that this man is not fit for the job. Moreover, his decision has led to a split in the family who has yet not been able to accept his new wife Manyata.

 Very few Bollywood actors have succeeded in politics. Other than his late father, only Shatrughan Sinha has been successful. Others have either quit or have become redundant MPs just winning a seat for their respective parties. So even if Dutt wins, he is going to meet the same fate. I wonder why Amar Singh chose Sanjay Dutt to nominate from Lucknow. He was tired of being called the Chhota Bhai, perhaps!

A for ADULTS ONLY

The fight between the censor board and film producers will perhaps never end. The censor board does keep changing its rules to be at tandem with the changing social trends. Still they can never keep up with the producers who are always a step ahead. Nudity is not the only criteria for a film to get an ‘A’ certificate but most people perceive it to be so and this post would consider only this aspect of censoring.

Mukesh Bhatt, the producer of Raaz – the mystery continues, is at war with the censor board over a nude scene done by Kangana Ranaut in a bath tub. The Censor Board has objected that with the scene included, the film won’t get a ‘U/A’ certificate as it would not be suitable for minors to watch it. The producer doesn’t want an ‘A’ certificate as it would limit their audience. I wonder at the naivety of the reporters who reported this piece of news. Most of the Bhatt films which are hits get ‘A’ certificate only. Be it Raaz, Murder or the recently released Jannat. Why would they fuss around this time?

Bhatts are smart filmmakers. They make low budget films with low key actors and a good music director. No matter how their films turn out, the music is always chartbusters. Good music does tremendous amount of marketing in itself. But for Raaz II only one song has climbed the chart, so they need to publicize the film somehow and they don’t have enough marketing budget to carry on. Controversies are always good for publicity and industry has been doing it for ages. Hence the current gimmick. Kangana’s nude scene will create enough curiosity among the sex starved Indians, including the author, to go for the film.

I won’t go to the debate of whether a piece of art needs censorship. But what I want to say is that censorship doesn’t serve its purpose. I was 14, four years below adulthood when I saw my first adult film. Six months later, I saw my first porn film. And all of my friends saw adult films before they turned into one. Now with mobile phones, it has become worse. One can access to adult material without much effort. Moreover I never saw in my life that a person was barred from entering into a cinema. So when it doesn’t serve any purpose why do we have censorship at all?

The late Vijay Anand resigned from the post of Censor board chief because he wanted to have separate theatres for porn films as it happens in a lot of western countries. I’m not quite in favor pornography. They can’t hold my interest for more than 5 mins. But I would love to see erotica on big screen. Indian society and screen is opening up but it will still take a generation for our stars to do an Original Sin.

 

From Past Relationships I learned

• 1.  Never say No to a woman if she loves you. It is very likely that for whoever you are sacrificing the fun won’t even care and moreover she will never acknowledge that you did that for her because it is widely believed that boys just want to have fun.
  
• 2.       Never show how much you love her. You will never be taken seriously.
  
• 3.       Don’t trust her if she says she wants to be just friends after things go wrong. The woman you have rejected will respond as if you are her boyfriend and the woman who rejected you will never give you the respect you deserve, forget friendship.
  
• 4.       Never go back to the woman you have rejected, it will never work. Relationships are very much determined by time and space. If you have been an ass to say no, don’t harbor any belief that you can anytime walk into her life and she will embrace without any conditions attached.
  
• 5.       Don’t love the woman more than yourself. Life would be miserable.
  
• 6.      You don’t need to be honest all the time ‘cos it’s likely that she isn’t as honest as you are.
  
• 7.      Play with things a bit. You don’t need to be serious from day one.
  
• 8.       And don’t think every girl wants to be just friends with you. So stay away if you don’t want to take it further because if you don’t then you will be blamed for ‘flirting with her and not responding further and breaking her heart’. Trust her friends to repeat it lifelong that how unfair you have been.
  
• 9.       And stay away from crazy ones. They can seriously hurt you image in the society and if you don’t have as cool parents as I have, the family will start doubting as well.
  
• 10.   Don’t express things early and to too many. Just because somebody doesn’t know that you love a woman will not lessen your love. Moreover it will enhance your chance of scoring.
  
• 11.  There are two kinds of girls – those who have motives and those who have not. The girls with motives will anyway never be interested in you because you don’t have Greek god looks or a father like Bill Gates. And the ones who don’t have any motive can never valuate you properly. Trust her to be friends with the weirdest of people but you.
  
• 12.  And you don’t need to woo her friends or closed ones because at the vital moment, they will anyway let the girl decide which will confuse her more.
  
• 13. Don’t expect her to act rationally with you.
  
• 14. If you want to apologize don't bring bouquets. That's not the right time.
  
• 15.  If you have really loved a woman, you can never stop loving her. Accept it and move on in life.
  
• 16. Nothing is perfect in life, and it applies to relationships as well.

Last but not the least, not all relationships are made of love and not all love turn into relationships. So don’t get disheartened if you are rejected. Nobody except the girl knows if she loved you. So, give yourself the benefit of doubt, life would be much easier to live.

Different Time, Same Interpretation

The following is an adaptation from Shakespeare's The Merchant Of Venice done by famous author Tariq Ali in reaction to the current Israeli aggression against Palestine. The irony is, in the play, the character Shylock, is a Jew who reacts to the discrimination done to him by the Christians.

"I am a Palestinian. Hath not a Palestinian eyes? Hath not a Palestinian hands, organs, dimensions, senses, affections, passions? Fed with the same food, hurt with the same weapons, subject to the same diseases, healed by the same means, warmed and cooled by the same winter and summer, as a Jew is? If you prick us, do we not bleed? If you tickle us, do we not laugh? If you poison us do we not die? And if you wrong us, shall we not revenge? If we are like you in the rest, we will resemble you in that … the villainy you teach me, I will execute; and it shall go hard but I will better the instruction."

Why Do I Write?

"...As you know, the question we writers are asked most often, the favourite question, is; why do you write? 

I write because I have an innate need to write! I write because I can’t do normal work like other people. I write because I want to read books like the ones I write. I write because I am angry at all of you, angry at everyone. I write because I love sitting in a room all day writing. I write because I can only partake in real life by changing it. I write because I want others, all of us, the whole world, to know what sort of life we lived, and continue to live, in Istanbul, in Turkey. I write because I love the smell of paper, pen, and ink. I write because I believe in literature, in the art of the novel, more than I believe in anything else. I write because it is a habit, a passion. I write because I am afraid of being forgotten. I write because I like the glory and interest that writing brings. I write to be alone. Perhaps I write because I hope to understand why I am so very, very angry at all of you, so very, very angry at everyone. I write because I like to be read. I write because once I have begun a novel, an essay, a page, I want to finish it. I write because everyone expects me to write. I write because I have a childish belief in the immortality of libraries, and in the way my books sit on the shelf. I write because it is exciting to turn all of life’s beauties and riches into words. I write not to tell a story, but to compose a story. I write because I wish to escape from the foreboding that there is a place I must go but – just as in a dream – I can’t quite get there. I write because I have never managed to be happy. I write to be happy..."

Excerpt from Orhan Pamuk's Nobel Prize acceptance speech. He won the prize for Literature in 2006.